Coping with grief and celebrating life
Death is a process we all go through. Irrespective of your beliefs, whether they be that there is life after death or otherwise, the body ceases but the being part of us moves on. It is a normal and natural process of life.
With death, there is no end, but a new beginning; a moving on to what is next. At Paws to Sleep, we do believe in life after death (reincarnation) – that our pets have others they will go on to support, and we may also have other pets we need to look after and care for that we do not even know of yet … this is all a part of the rich tapestry of life. Therefore, whilst there is a process of grieving associated with the loss of the pet, there is a celebration of what has moved on, of the being part of the pet that truly lives on, and also of that pet’s life with us. Grieving for the loss of the physicality of a being, whether that be a person or a pet, is part of this process, and we understand, and see many times, how loss of a pet can be intertwined with painful memories of losing another pet or a person, sometimes someone who used to be guardian for your companion. Supporting yourself and your family is very important during this time, whatever the circumstances. Sometimes, you and your family may need to consider further support, such as counselling, or at least someone to speak with about what you might be feeling during this time. This is welcomed. We each process grief in differing ways, and may need additional support.
What is grief?
Grief is a reaction to a sense of loss or of a change, and can be associated with much more than simply the death of a person. Grief can arise from changes to living situations, routines, ways of life, and any type of loss including death, breakup/breakdown of relationship, and of course the death of a pet.
Grief has many stages, and the progression through the stages is not necessarily linear. This means that we can be in a stage of grief that appears to look as if we are ‘resolving’ the grief but simply fall back into a previous stage after being triggered by something. A simple example of this is if a specific song, scent, or sight re-triggers the feelings associated with the death of a loved one or a pet.
The stages of grief generally follow a curve where we might begin at feeling numb at the loss, in shock, and then we may have feelings of denial or anger / hurt. At this stage, we are struggling to find meaning in what has happened, and we can often fall into deeper reactions of loneliness, guilt, isolation and depression. As we begin to make sense of the loss and accept the change it has brought to our lives, we begin the process of rebuilding: understanding and new ways of being emerge. This leads to a new sense of living, a new sense of purpose, where we have adjusted our lives to live in a new way.
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There are times we can get stuck in an area of the curve of grief and it is important at these times to seek support from a qualified professional.
Resources
WEBSITES
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BOOKS
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A book we have and still read together (with children): “The Memory Tree” by Britta Teckentrup
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A sweet child’s book that often comes recommended and my kids enjoy: “Goodbye Mog” by Judith Kerr
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There is also a book I have become aware of called “Good grief” by E.B. Bartels. It is available in The States and could possibly be shipped to the UK and you may be able to get access to an audio or kindle version. (I have not read it.)